Cold blooded friends

This past weekend I went to a reptile expo in Doncaster, the only reptile expo in the U.K I believe. So obviously I picked up some new additions to the family so here they are!


This is Ken. He is a 3 month Kenyan sand boa and the first snake I’ve ever owned. He spends his life hiding in a box of sand and that’s about it (exciting). He’s given me a few little bites since I’ve had him which I’m hoping he will grow out of as he gets older otherwise his bites will start to hurt which I’m not looking forward to.


This is Pippin, she is a 4 year old leopard gecko. I got Pippin almost a year ago now but thought I’d show her anyway. She eats meal worms which aren’t the best smelling creatures to deal with, and she likes attempting to jump from heights which I have to constantly save her from doing. Leopard geckos are really good starter pets I think; they’re really friendly and super easy to keep.


The final reptile I got over the weekend is Sun, she is a 3 month old leopard gecko. She is very fidgety and small at the moment as she is only young but I’m working on fattening her up so that she can breed with my boyfriend’s gecko when shes old enough and make pretty babies (hopefully).

I got my first reptile (Pippin) because I felt like I needed something to help with my anxiety and I read that taking care of a pet can be calming and put your mind off things. I really think it does help if it’s something you’re into. Instead of moping around and worrying on my bad days, I can now interact with my pets, feed them, looks after them etc, it really does take my mind off things. I would recommend getting a small scaly friend to anyone who doesn’t have a fear of them (I know a lot of people do). They’re so calming and it is a great experience looking after them!

I’d love to see some of your cold blooded babies if anyone has one! Show me your babies in the comments!



The Night Time

The night time is both the worst and the best part of the day.

The night time is when I sit alone in silence while everyone else in sleeping and realise just how alone I am.

But the night time is also when I can close my eyes, lay there oblivious to the world, where my nightmares are sometimes better than real life.

At night time I sit and reflect on things; I wonder if this is how it will be for the rest of my life. Sitting alone at the end of each strenuous day in which I struggled to complete the smallest simplest of tasks, wondering if every night of my life will be the same. Alone. Bored. Sad. Just waiting to be asleep so I don’t have to think these scary thoughts over and over again.

But the night time is also the closet time to the next day. When I will have to get out of my safe space, leave the house and carry around the tightest of knots in my stomach all day, for reasons I do not know. When everyone I see I am jealous of because they seem to get through life so easily. They don’t worry about being thrown into a conversation they haven’t mentally prepared for, or feel sick and physically shake when being ask their opinion on something in front of more than 2 people. I am jealous of a lot of people because it’s not fair that it’s so hard for me and not others.

At night time I sit and I wonder how will I ever have a successful career when I miss so many classes because the possibility of being asked a question makes my palms sweat and makes me want to vomit. How am I going to keep a job? Who’s going to put up with me when I can’t even function like a normal adult?

The night time is both the worst and the best part of the day. Because I am hours away from another day of horror. But I can also let my dreams take me places where at least for a few hours, I feel better.

5 books I wish I could make everyone read!


I’m currently writing this list of top 5 books I wish I could make everyone read while sat in a lecture not doing what I should be doing (at least I am being somewhat productive).

Some of these books contain controversial and touchy subjects so they won’t be for everyone, but if you think they’re something you’d be interested in then PLEASE give them a try they’re amazing I promise.


  • The Passion of New Eve by Angela Carter

This book I can only describe as WEIRD. It is set in a future America where the main character Evelyn feels very lost in his life, he doesn’t know who he is or what his purpose is in life and so he moves from England to America to start over with a new job and a new life. His new job doesn’t work out too well but he succeeds with his new life, although it is definitely not what he had in mind. This book highlights how prominent male privilege is, and shows very well the effects of it been taken away so easily, showing Evelyn just how dangerous and manipulating men like he was can be to women. This book features very touchy subjects including rape, domestic abuse, abortion and violence quite prominently so if you don’t like reading about these things then maybe it’s not for you; but if not then definitely give this a read!


  • Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

This novel, like the last one I mentioned features very controversial subjects including, paedophilia, rape, male dominance and manipulation. Humber Humbert is the leading character, a middle-aged man, working as a scholar, who “falls in love” with his land lady’s confident and witty twelve year old daughter Lolita. This novel I found very disturbing yet so interesting; it shows the how obsessed Humbert Humbert is with Lolita and how he tries everything to make her completely his own. Lolita however is quite aware I think of what is happening and being as head strong and as smart as she is, she also uses manipulation herself to make her situation a little better for herself.


  • Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys

Wide Sargasso Sea is a sort of retelling of Jane Eyre, telling the story of Bertha, Rochester’s mad wife who lives in the attic. It tells the story of Bertha’s life before she married Rochester, and her gradual decent into madness. We see how in love with Rochester she was when she married him, and we also see the damage her love for him has on her mental health, how Rochester’s power over he eventually destroys her. It’s so so interesting to go into the book already knowing how her story ends, but getting to learn about her journey there is amazing. As in Jane Eyre, we know nothing about the mad woman in the attic, in Wide Sargasso Sea we get to know her personality and how she is just simply a naive and innocent young girl who has not seen much kindness.


  • The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

The Shadow of the Wind is a historical mystery novel set in Barcelona in 1945 just after the war. The main character, Daniel, goes to a forgotten book shop where his father tells him to choose a book. He chooses The Shadow of the Wind written by Julien Carax. Daniel loves this book so much that he goes on search of other works by the author, only to find that someone has been going round destroying each of his books this author has written; meaning that Daniel may have found that last book of Carax’s to exist.

This was the first mystery book I ever read and obviously made me love the genre. It is full of twists and unexpected turns and it’s a book about books so what’s not to love!

  •  I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak

This final book is another mystery/thriller. The protagonist Ed Kenny is portrayed as a very average man, who has been hopelessly in love with his best friend Audrey for as long as he can remember. Because of a “wrong place wrong time” moment one day, he manages to stop a bank robbery, which is then followed by him receiving a playing card in the mail, the Ace of Diamonds. The Card has an instruction on it that Ed has no other option but to follow, and throughout the novel he receives all 4 ace cards, each with different tasks he must complete written on them. I love this novel because it shows how even the most ordinary of people have the power to be extraordinary and to make a huge difference to people’s lives and sometimes ever people’s worlds. Although it doesn’t seem like it at the start, it really is an uplifting- feel good book!


Let me know if you’re interested in any of these novels or if you’ve already read them and what you think!

Book recommendations are also always appreciated!

(Didn’t have a book related picture on hand and didn’t want to use someone elses so enjoy the small monkey)


I have struggled with anxiety now for about 7 years, and it only gets worse as time goes on. The saying “it’ll get better” hasn’t applied to me yet and I don’t see it doing so any time soon.

I have lost multiple friends because of this; some didn’t understand what I felt, some just didn’t want to deal with me and now the only friends I have left I can feel drifting from me, because I am not like them. I can’t bring myself to go out and do the ‘normal’ things they do, even though I want to more than anything. And it makes me angry that they can’t be bothered to even attempt to understand me, they’d rather not have me bothering them.

I feel very alone as I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this, how isolated I feel from everybody else and how much I struggle to keep friendships. So I have turned to blogging so I can rant to strangers about anything/ everything.

I’d love to talk to people who are going through the same thing, to see how other people cope and to feel less alone in this!

My blog isn’t going to be an anxiety blog by the way! It will feature more ‘normal’ posts that more people can relate to, I just wanted to reach out to others who may feel the way I do for now, sorry if this post isn’t or you but I will write more interesting things soon!

So please get in touch with me if you have any words of wisdom, it’ll be very much appreciated!

Welcome to my blog!

Hi! This is my very first blog post EVER so we’ll see how this goes.

My blog posts will be about anything ranging from book/ movie reviews, my opinion on an artist’s new album, anything useful to life that I might have realised, struggles with anxiety, aspects or people that I find influential, the agony of being a poor uni student, ect.

So, to introduce myself, my name is Sydney, I am English and 19 years old. I study English Literature so the majority of my time is spend with my face in a book (or at least that’s what I should be doing with my time…). I have a very addictive personality so once I am started on something, ANYTHING, I am addicted. Whether that be watching TV shows, buying strange animals, drinking cola  (I LOVE cola I’m never stopping) , playing the same song over and over and over again, and now my new addiction will probably be blogging. It’s literally one thing after another.

I’m really excited to start reading other people’s blogs, as I am new on here I don’t know many blogs, so if you have a blog you’d like me to check out then let me know! I’m interested in topics such as literature, music, animals, beauty, lifestyle, so I’ll read anything!

My first proper post will be up soon, so follow me if you like what I post!